Did you hear about the dyslexic Satanist?
He sold his soul to Santa.
Did you hear about the guy that lost his left arm and leg in a car crash?
He's all right now.
Did you hear about the man who was tap dancing?
He broke his ankle when he fell into the sink.
How do crazy people go through the forest?
They take the psycho path.
How do you get holy water?
Boil the hell out of it.
How does a spoiled rich girl change a lightbulb?
She says, "Daddy, I want a new apartment."
What did the fish say when he hit a concrete wall?
What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?
What do prisoners use to call each other?
What do the letters D.N.A. stand for?
National Dyslexics Association.
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work?
What do you call cheese that isn't yours?
What do you call Santa's helpers?
What do you call four bull fighters in quicksand?
What do you get from a pampered cow?
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
What do you get when you cross an elephant and a skin doctor?
What has four legs, is big, green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree would kill you?
A pool table.
What is a zebra?
26 sizes larger than an "A" bra.
What kind of coffee was served on the Titanic?
......and what kind of lettuce?
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck.
What's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anyone can roast beef.
Where do you find a no-legged dog?
Right where you left him.
Where do you get virgin wool from?
Why are there so many Smiths in the phone book?
They all have phones.
Why do bagpipers walk when they play?
They're trying to get away from the noise.
Why do gorillas have big nostrils?
Because they have big fingers.